The Second Annual UnReluctant Day | Reluctance: The Subtle Saboteur (Special Edition)

No Cry Zone Special Edition
Second Annual UnReluctant Day

Every year we celebrate days that honor our nation, our heroes, our families, and our history.

This is a day that honors your future.

In this special three-part edition of The No Cry Zone, Jim Best introduces the Second Annual UnReluctant Day - a day devoted to confronting one of the most overlooked forces in personal development: reluctance.

Why do intelligent, capable people postpone important conversations, delay meaningful opportunities, hesitate to pursue their dreams, or wait for “the right time” that never seems to arrive?

Because reluctance is the Subtle Saboteur.

In this special program you’ll discover:

• Why Reluctance is Relentless - and why it doesn’t respect your goals.

• The Personal Development Cycle, including ReFLEXion Power Day, UnReluctant Day, Maximum Momentum Day, New Year’s Evolution, and Celebration Day.

• How reluctance disguises itself through everyday “Torture Lines” like “Maybe,” “We’ll see,” “I’m not ready,” and “I need a little more information.”

• Why fear forms the boundaries of your comfort zone, and how reluctance quietly keeps you inside it.

• The critical distinction between Productive Reluctance and Detrimental Reluctance.

• How to make the UnReluctant Commitment in the areas of life that matter most: relationships, career, health, deliberate learning, intentional evolution, and becoming a Net Positive.

If you’ve ever wondered why progress sometimes stalls despite your best intentions, this episode offers practical insight, memorable concepts, and a challenge that can immediately change the direction of your life.

Because confidence usually follows action.

It rarely precedes it.

Aspire. Be less reluctant. Come Upward With Us™.

Follow Jim Best at UpwardsBest to listen, learn, explore, and stay connected to daily insights for positive change that’s both doable and durable.

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The NoCryZone is an UpwardsBest endeavor, produced by BestStoryAlive, LLC.

All rights proactively reserved.

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:40

Welcome to the special edition of the No Cry Zone. I am your host, Jim Best, and I've got a confession. Don't worry. It's not one of those awkward whatever made you think I was interested in hearing this confessions. It's this. I received a lot of positive feedback from last week's No Cry Zone titled The Subtle Saboteur. But some of the feedback was, Jim, you were really into it. And some said I was over the top. And you know what's funny? I was. It's because I was talking about the things we quit because of plain, simple, and unnecessary reluctance. So I leaned into the message because I recognized some situations when unnecessary reluctance had slowed me down or cost me. And I see it happen way too often to way too many people. So I do have a special level of energy and commitment when it comes to becoming less reluctant. And in fact, today is special. It isn't simply another conversation about personal development. Today is different because today we celebrate something that is only celebrated here. You and me and the others in our band of unreluctance. Because today is unreluctant day. Now if you're hearing that for the first time, you might wonder why anyone would create a day devoted to unreluctance. The answer is simple, because reluctance quietly controls far more of our lives than we realize. And that's why we coined a new word, unreluctant. Because reluctance is the subtle saboteur. Most people don't fail because they lack talent. They don't fail because they lack intelligence. They don't fail because they don't have dreams. More often than not, they fail because they hesitate. They postpone, they wait, they defer to others. They convince themselves that tomorrow will somehow be easier than today. That's reluctance. And that's why we created on Reluctant Day. This is now our second annual observance, and my hope is that it becomes one of those days you look forward to every year, as I do. Not because it's easy, but because it reminds us to reclaim something that reluctance has slowly been taking away. Your authentic life. One of the things we've emphasized repeatedly here at the No Cry Zone is that meaningful personal growth doesn't happen by accident. It is doable and durable, and it should be one of the most fun things you do on a regular basis. But personal growth also happens intentionally. You cannot be haphazard about it. It happens strategically. It happens because you decide to become someone more capable than you were yesterday. And that's why we developed what I call the personal development cycle. Think of it as an annual operating system for becoming your best self. Everything begins on March 31st with Refley. Notice the emphasis on the word reflection, because reflection is where growth begins. But we also flex F L E X. Before you improve your habits, you examine them. Then you flex. Before you improve your performance, you evaluate it. Then you flex. Before you become someone new, you honestly look at who you are today. Reflection Power Day isn't about criticism. It isn't about guilt. It is not about feeling ashamed of mistakes you may have made or shortcomings that you may perceive. It's about clarity. It's about deliberately shaping your self-image because your self-image becomes the sustaining strength behind every meaningful change you make. If you don't believe you're capable of becoming more, you won't. If you don't believe you deserve better, you'll settle. If you don't believe you can change, you probably won't even try. That's why identity comes first. And that's why Reflection Power Day comes first, March thirty first. But once you've begun shaping a stronger self-image, something immediately stands in your way. Reluctance. That's why today matters. June thirtieth, unreluctant day. Because reluctance again is the subtle saboteur of personal development. I want you to remember that sentence. Reluctance is the subtle saboteur of personal development. Sabotage isn't always loud. Sometimes sabotage whispers, but it can be sneaky. Sometimes sabotage politely suggests that today isn't the best day. Sometimes sabotage tells you to wait until you're more confident or the situation seems a bit more favorable. Sometimes sabotage encourages you to gather just a little more information, even though it doesn't tell you what information it is that you might benefit from. And sometimes sabotage disguises itself as being practical. Sometimes sabotage calls itself patience. Sometimes sabotage even convinces you that you're being responsible. Meanwhile, your dreams sit there, waiting. Reluctance is rarely dramatic. It's usually quiet, which is exactly why it's so dangerous. And that brings me to one of the most important ideas we'll discuss today. Reluctance is relentless and it does not respect your goals. You have got to embrace that reality. So let me say it again. Reluctance is relentless and it does not respect your goals. It doesn't care that this is your year you promised yourself you'd lose the weight. It doesn't care that this is the year you promised yourself you'd get in shape. It doesn't care that this is the year you plan to write your book. It doesn't care that you intended to repair an important relationship. It doesn't care that you wanted to launch a business. It doesn't care that you wanted to look for a new job. It doesn't care that you finally decided to stop making excuses. Reluctance simply keeps showing up. It's embedded in our thoughts and it's embedded in our culture. Every day, every week, every month, reluctance quietly asks you to postpone your own future. And that's the danger. Most of us don't recognize it. We think we're being cautious. We think we're listening to somebody else's good advice. We think we're waiting for the perfect time. We think we're being realistic. We think we're being patient. After all, haven't we heard? All good things come to those who wait. I've seen that often not work out too well. Sometimes we even congratulate ourselves for not acting. Meanwhile, another month, another opportunity passes, another conversation never happens, another year quietly slips away. That's why unreluctant day exists. Not because we're trying to eliminate wisdom or wise caution, not because we're trying to eliminate thoughtful decision making, not because we're trying to become reckless or impulsive. We're here because we refuse to allow unnecessary hesitation to become a defining characteristic of our lives. Now, let's continue around our personal development cycle so you will see how it all fits together. After unreluctant day comes September 30th, maximum momentum day. Once you've begun acting, your challenge changes. Now the question becomes, how do I keep going? Momentum is one of the greatest forces available to humans. Notice I didn't say physical momentum. Physical perpetual motion isn't possible. But your personal perpetual momentum absolutely is. How? There are five deliberate components. We broke it down so that you can create momentum whenever you need to. Here are the components. Mindset. It is possible to create my own momentum. Focus. Effective action, habit, and becoming a net positive. Mindset determines what you believe is possible. Focus determines where your energy goes. Effective action provides the ignition. The first step gets everything moving. Then habits transform isolated actions into a lifestyle, sustainable lifestyle. And finally, net positive. This is where your growth begins benefiting everyone around you. You don't simply become more successful, you become more valuable, more respected, more admired. You contribute, you encourage, you solve problems, you prevent problems, you improve situations. Being in that positive isn't something nice to do. It's your unfaltering reason why. Think of it as your URW. When your life consistently improves the life of other people, you never run out of reasons to keep growing. Now, we arrive at the end of the year in our personal development cycle. Not New Year's resolutions. We know those don't work. We've moved beyond resolutions. We celebrate New Year's evolution. Evolution is different. Resolutions often depend on enthusiasm. Evolution depends on identity. Resolutions are frequently temporary and often forgotten. Evolution becomes permanent. Now I'm not talking about slow, passive, Galapagos island evolution. I'm talking about dynamic, intentional, action-based identity shaping evolution, the deliberate creation of your future self. And then finally, January 1st, celebration day. Not because everything becomes perfect, but because progress deserves recognition. And here's what we can celebrate. You can celebrate what you accomplished. You can celebrate what you have learned. You can celebrate the obstacles you overcame. Celebrate the courage you discovered. Celebrate the fact that you're becoming someone you admire. So now you can see why today matters. Unreluctant day isn't a standalone. It's not a one-off. It's an essential part of an entire philosophy, an entire approach of personal development, reflection, unreluctance, momentum, evolution, celebration. Each supports the next. Each strengthens the next. Each prepares you for the next. And today, today we focus on the one force that quietly interferes with all the others. Reluctance. Because until you recognize it, you'll keep negotiating with it. You'll keep listening to it. You'll keep being sabotaged by it. And reluctance is a terrible negotiating partner. Remember, it's relentless and it doesn't respect your goals. Stay tuned for part two. Now that you know why we celebrate Unreluctant Day, let's look at our worthy opponent, because that's exactly what reluctance is, an opponent. Not an enemy necessarily, but certainly an opponent. And one of the reasons reluctance is so difficult to overcome is because it almost never identifies itself honestly. Reluctance doesn't usually announce I'm afraid. It doesn't introduce itself by saying I'm avoiding this. It rarely admits I'm choosing comfort over growth. I'm trying to hold you back. Instead, reluctance disguises itself. It sounds logical, reasonable, practical, responsible, cautious. It slips into conversation so naturally that we barely notice it. That's why I call it a has a social free pass. If you say I'm reluctant, people will say, Oh, what else is going on? So now we've begun today's podcast with a song by Brazen Candor called The Top of My Torture Line. Let me give you the backstory on the song. I was writing another song and the phrase torture line came to me. A torture line is something you say that actually ends up hurting yourself. That's my definition at least. Not physically, but mentally, emotionally, and often long term you hurt yourself. It's a line like, it wasn't that important to me, or maybe next year, or I probably wouldn't have gotten that promotion anyways. It's what I also call shiny lies or word placebos, tempting things we say to ourselves to make us feel temporarily better. But they hurt because we simply don't address or handle the actual problems. And I thought that's a great idea for a song, Torture Lines. But then I realized the opportunity for a play on words, as most of you know, I rarely miss. A line, a torture line, it's something we say, but a line can also be a series of things, like a line of automobiles. So that led to the top of the torture line, meaning the best or worse with torture, similar to how a Cadillac was often referred to as the top of the line for General Motors. And yes, I was born in Detroit, thank you. So I realized one line is especially tempting, comforting, and dangerous if we use it unthinkingly and unblinkingly. And that line is this will all be for the best. And that's how the song evolved. Now, sometimes that's true, but all too often people say that line, this will all be for the best, everything will work out for the best. They use it to adopt a state of complacency and inaction, which ultimately is bad for them. Torture. So now that you know the backstory, let's look at the torture lines from the unwonderful world of reluctance, the subtle saboteur. I think all of us have used them from time to time, probably more often than we'd like to admit. Lines such as I don't know, I'm not sure, maybe, we'll see. Let's see what happens. Let's see how this unfolds. I'll try. Not yet. Soon. Eventually, I need to think about it. I'm waiting for the right time. I just need a little more information. Maybe next year. They didn't really say it was okay. Let's not rush. Now, understand something important. None of these statements are automatically wrong. Sometimes you really do need more information. Sometimes waiting is the wise decision. Sometimes not yet is exactly the right approach. The problem isn't the word, the problem is using those words to disguise reluctance. Those phrases become verbal hiding places. They allow us to postpone action without admitting why. Whenever you hear yourself saying one of those torture lines, I want you to ask a simple question. What am I actually reluctant about? Or some people like to ask themselves, what am I really waiting for? Now you don't look at what you're saying, but what are you avoiding? That question changes everything because reluctance almost always has something hiding underneath it. Usually it's fear. I've said that many times. Fear forms the boundaries of your comfort zone. Think about that. Your comfort zone isn't surrounded by brick walls. It isn't surrounded by locked doors. It's just fear. Fear of embarrassment, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear of feeling awkward, fear of making the wrong decision, fear of looking foolish, fear of success. Yes. Even a fear of success. Because success it changes expectations, and that can be pretty heavy. Success changes identity. Success asks more from us. Fear draws the boundaries of those comfort zones. Reluctance simply keeps us from crossing them. Here's another sentence I'd like you to remember. Reluctance is how we stay safe without admitting we're afraid. Reluctance is how we stay safe without admitting we're afraid. We're adults. We can't say we're afraid. That's a bad reflection on our character. So this is worth thinking about. Most people don't wake up in the morning and say, I'm afraid today. Instead they say, I'm just waiting, I'm still thinking, I'm not quite ready. Those sound so much better than saying I'm scared. So oftentimes reluctance is uncovering uncertainty. Sometimes it's covering a lack of preparation. Sometimes it's masking discouragement. Sometimes it's exhaustion. Sometimes it's depression. Sometimes it's disappointment. And sometimes it's loneliness. That is what reluctance does for you, but it hurts you in the long run in those cases. Sometimes we've simply lost confidence because life knocked us down a few times. Reluctance wears many disguises. That's why we have to become students of our own behavior. Now I'd like to introduce another idea that I think explains a tremendous amount of human behavior, and that is being detected. Many people believe they're afraid of public speaking. I don't think that's Completely true. I think they're afraid of being detected. Detected as not quite as intelligent as they'd like to be thought of. Detected as a little less experienced than they'd like to be thought of. Detected as an imposter, trying to pretend we're something that we're not quite yet. Detected as ordinary or average. Detected as someone who doesn't quite belong. The presentation that we make in speaking isn't the real fear. Detection is the same thing happens in business and relationships and leadership, writing, art, athletics. People hesitate because they imagine someone discovering they're somehow inadequate. So they wait. They postpone, they retreat. They are in fact reluctant to be put to the test. Again, reluctance quietly wins. Now this is where I want to be careful. Because if you've been listening to this podcast over the past several weeks, you've probably noticed one of our newest characters, Kayak Jack. He's adventurous, bold, action-oriented. He's the kind of guy who looks at a rapids and smiles and says, Let's go. If you asked Kayak Jack what to do about reluctance, he'd probably answer immediately. Blast through it. And I like that. There's a lot of wisdom in it sometimes. Sometimes we do need to stop overthinking and simply act. But here's where I would gently disagree with Kayak Jack. I don't think our goal is to eliminate every trace of reluctance. In fact, I'd be reluctant to eliminate all my reluctance. That may sound strange coming from the founder of Unreluctant Day, but it's true. There is a form of reluctance that's actually valuable. Recently we introduced two important distinctions. One, there is productive reluctance, and there is also detrimental reluctance. Notice I didn't call a protective reluctance. I chose the word productive very intentionally. Productive reluctance serves us. It's intelligent. It's thoughtful, it's discerning, it's well considered, it's reasonable. And by reasonable I mean the actual true definition of the word. It's subject to reason. Productive reluctance says let's read the contract before signing. Let's verify the facts. Let's think this through. Let's seek wise counsel. Productive reluctance doesn't stop action. It improves action. It helps us make better decisions. It prevents unnecessary mistakes. It reminds us that wisdom often pauses before proceeding. That's healthy. That's productive. But that's not what unreluctant day is about. The reluctance we're addressing is something very different. We call it detrimental reluctance. This is hesitation when action is clearly called for. This is unnecessary delay. This is postponement, procrastination, deferring to other people when you already know what needs to be done. Giving up too soon, unwarranted shyness, avoiding conversations, avoiding opportunities, avoiding responsibility, avoiding accountability, avoiding growth. Detrimental reluctance shrinks your life. Not all at once. One decision at a time, one postponed phone call at a time, one delayed application, one unwritten chapter, one missed workout, one difficult conversation that never happens. Eventually, those small moments become a smaller life. And that's exactly why we're here today. Not to become reckless, not to become impulsive, not to eliminate thoughtful judgment, not to blast through any reluctance like kayak jack would. We're here to eliminate the hesitation that has no legitimate purpose. Because every unnecessary hesitation quietly postpones the life you could already be living. It postpones the life you truly want. And you know what? That's too high a price to pay. And you are phenomenal. We're going to cover the unreluctant commitment. We've spent our time together today talking about reluctance. We've looked at where it hides, we've looked at the language it uses, we've looked at the way fear quietly builds the boundaries around our comfort zone, and reluctance keeps us from feeling afraid or facing our fears. We've even made an important distinction, haven't we, between productive reluctance and detrimental reluctance. Then we looked reluctance right in the eyes and recognized it as the subtle saboteur. I also mentioned in last week's No Cry Zone that anytime you feel reluctant, you should be skeptical of your reluctance. You should challenge it. You should question it. You should make it justify its existence in that particular situation. Now comes the most important question. What are you gonna do about it? After all, insight without action is just another interesting conversation. Understanding reluctance doesn't reduce reluctance. Remember, reluctance is relentless, and reluctance does not respect your goals. You know what respects your goals? You know what honors your goals? Action does. And that's why today isn't simply about awareness. It's about commitment. Not a complicated commitment, not a hundred commitments, one meaningful commitment. I call it the unreluctant commitment. It's very basic. Become unreluctant where your life matters most. Notice what I didn't say. I didn't say become fearless. Fear has its place. I didn't say become impulsive. Impulsiveness can create problems. I didn't say stop thinking. In fact, I advocate mental precision. Good decisions require thought. I simply said become unreluctant where your life matters most. Let's make that practical. Think about your most important relationships. Is there someone you've been reluctant to call? Someone you've been reluctant to forgive? Someone you've been reluctant to thank? Someone you've been reluctant to encourage, someone you've been reluctant to apologize to? Reluctance has probably been whispering to you, maybe tomorrow. Maybe they'll call first. Maybe it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe they forgot about it. Don't listen to that version of reluctance. If the relationship matters, become unreluctant. Now think about your work. Maybe there's an opportunity you've postponed pursuing. Maybe you've delayed asking for more responsibility. Maybe you've been reluctant to start the business you've talked about for years. Maybe you haven't even talked about it. You've been reluctant to talk about it. Maybe you've just been thinking about it for years. Maybe you've convinced yourself someone else is more qualified. Maybe they are, and maybe they aren't. But reluctance has already made one decision for you if you never try. So become unreluctant in this important area of your life. Now think about your health. Think about your vitality. This one hits close to home for many of us. Most of us already know what we should be doing. We don't need another article. You don't need me to be talking to you about it. You don't need another study. You don't need another expert. You don't need another report. You need another walk, another workout, another healthy meal, another good night's sleep. Reluctance doesn't usually tell us to quit forever. It simply says, ah, skip today. Then tomorrow it says the same thing. Become unreluctant in this important priority. Now think about deliberate learning. One of the greatest privileges of being alive is that we never have to stop becoming more capable. We can always improve. We can always become better. And I tell everybody, if somebody has said to you recently, please, you don't need to improve anymore, then you don't have to improve. But I'm going to assume that most of us have a lot of things that we can improve upon. Read, study, ask questions, take the course, learn the language, develop the skill, become fascinated by the world and become inquisitive. And build on your knowledge, build mental footholds, and grow more well-rounded in your intelligence. Don't allow reluctance to convince you that you're too old or too busy or too far behind. You're not. One good idea can change the direction of entire life. Become unreluctant in your deliberate learning. Then think about your own intentional evolution. That phrase means a great deal to me. Too many people drift through life hoping they'll become someone different. That's not a strategy. Time doesn't automatically improve us. Experience doesn't automatically teach us. Years don't automatically produce wisdom. Yeah, we might learn something new every day, but if it's not purposeful, it often doesn't amount to anything. Growth becomes intentional the moment we decide that our future deserves our participation. That's evolution. Intentional evolution, not passive evolution, not waiting to see what happens, deliberate evolution, identity shaping, purpose-driven, action-based, become unreluctant. And finally, become a net positive. You've heard me use that phrase many times because I believe it's one of the healthiest ways to think about life. Ask yourself every day Did I leave something better than I found it? Did I encourage someone? Did I solve a problem? Did I prevent problems? Did I help? Did I contribute? Did I create something worthwhile? Did I make life better for another human being? When your life consistently adds value, something remarkable happens. You discover a reason to keep growing that goes beyond yourself. That's why becoming a net positive is your remember this, you are W. It's a little bit of a clunky acronym, but it's your unfaltering reason why. It gives meaning to your effort, it gives purpose to your discipline, it gives direction to your momentum. Your unfaltering reason why is to be a net positive. Now, before we finish, I'd like to leave you with one final thought. Unreluctant day doesn't ask you to change your entire life today. That's too much. Instead, it asks you to do one thing, one thing you've been unnecessarily reluctant to do. Just one. One conversation, one phone call, one email, one application, one workout, one decision, one apology, one act of forgiveness, one commitment, one first step. You don't have to add all those up and do them all. Just do one. Don't underestimate the power of that one first step. Every remarkable journey begins exactly the same way. A decision to move and the first step. Remember, please, reluctance is relentless. It does not respect your goals. It doesn't care about your dreams. It doesn't care about your promises. Your potential does not matter to it. It simply urges you to wait. Maybe one more hour, maybe one more day, maybe a week. Don't give it one more day. Today is unreluctant day. Today is the day you interrupt that conversation that reluctance has going with you. Today is the day you stop negotiating with unnecessary hesitation. Today is the day you reclaim your future. Because here's what I know there's an authentic version of you that already exists. It's more courageous, more generous, more disciplined, more curious, more resilient, more fully alive. That person isn't waiting for more talent. That person isn't waiting for perfect circumstances. That person isn't waiting for permission. That person is waiting for one thing. For you to be less reluctant, for the reluctant version of you to step aside. So before this day ends, do one thing that you've been unnecessarily reluctant to do. Not tomorrow, not next week, not when you feel more confident. Do it today. Because confidence follows action. It rarely precedes it. Let this day become more than something you observed. Let it become something you practice. Let it become the day you remember as the day you stopped allowing unnecessary hesitation, reluctance, delay, postponement to quietly direct your life. Thanks for joining me for this special edition of The No Cry Zone. I hope you'll celebrate on Reluctant Day every year. More importantly, I hope you'll live it every day. Until next time, keep up with us at Epword's Best. Check out the great content at Momentum GPS. Keep streamlining and downloading those brazen candor tracks that you love. This one that you're hearing today, the top of my torture line, is their newest. But there are many great tunes already out on the recently released No Precedent. Yes, you are correct. We've got a lot going on, and we appreciate you. Please remember to have a phenomenal week. After all, they are free. Aspire, be less reluctant, come upwards with us, and thanks for joining me.